While we here at SWMP are all for Gay Rights (we ain’t no faggots though), we think that they simply cannot understand the plight that we, as straight white males, have to go through every day. How could anyone so light-hearted and limp-wristed understand the misery we have to suffer through? Inconceivable.

Let’s cover some important terminology for our movement, okay?

• SWM: Straight White Male, though the term “Dude” or “Man” may be acceptable
• HWM: Same as SWM, but the “H” is for “Heterosexual” as to be more scientifically accurate. Not to be confused with Homosexual White Men. Making this mistake could be disastrous.
• NMD: Negative Minority Discrimination, when a minority singles you out as a SWM and attacks you physically, verbally, or telepathically.
• SWF: Straight White Females. Frequent perpetrators of discrimination against SWMs despite being straight and white themselves.
• WhiteOut: A very effective and forceful method of SWM protest which involves gathering at one place peacefully, making some emotionally reserved and well thought out speeches, and then returning home to write letters to our representatives about our grievances.
• Bender: A type of person who discriminates against SWMs by questioning their straightness (trying to “bend” their sexuality).
• Metrosexual: A supposed SWM who appears to act like a Homosexual White Man. It is unknown whether this group is friendly or hostile to the SWM movement, and requires further study.

Knowing these terms can be very effective in helping better understand the issues we face as SWMs and the ways we can fight them.

To you fellow SWMs out there, have you ever considered that you may be experiencing discrimination from minorities without even realizing it?

If anyone has made jokes or comments about:

• Your inability to dance
• Your like or dislike of certain foods
• Your reluctance to use the term “Muthafucka” in daily conversation
• The height to which you can jump
• Your skill, or lack thereof in freestyle rap competitions

Then you may be the victim of negative minority discrimination!

If someone you know, even other SWMs make these kinds of jokes or comments, or lets others make these comments, approach them and tell them how offensive they’re really being, and who’s feelings might be hurt by their words.

Why should we be? We’re proud to be straight white gamers. Or could you not tell from our Saturday night XBox system link COD and Halo party, and our super-exclusive clan tags? You’re about to get pwned, loser.

Whatever you say, fag.

I feel your pain, brother. That is one of the most hurtful things insensitive minorities can say to you. Sometimes you just have to work through it, you know? Maybe play some video Call of Duty and drink some Mountain Dew, or have sex with your heterosexual white female girlfriend. You can’t let those hateful words dilute who you are! If you really want to avoid something like this happening again, maybe you should surround yourself with HWMs (Heterosexual White Males) like yourself, it’s much harder for cowardly minorities to verbally assault you when you’ve got whiteup!

Sorry melody, as a female, even a heterosexual one, you can never understand the hardships we have to endure. Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Your opinion is moot.

Somewhere we people like me could just be acknowledged as equal to everyone else.

We are the Straight White Male Anti-Discrimination movement! We feel like our group has been far too ignored and even outright looked down upon in public media and society as a whole. We aim to change that by showing that we too are people just like anyone else. We fight against discrimination of all kinds and wish to maintain a strong identity as Caucasian heterosexual men.

Join us in our fight for equality today!